November 29, 2005


I'll report on my flying, and put up other things I need to post here, but I have to say...

The sweetest sound in the world is my little boy giggling because his daddy's playing with him :-D

November 21, 2005

Flat on my back, looking up at the stars...

Today I'm not in a good mood. As usual, it's mainly to do with money. I hate money. I hate that it's what gets you anywhere in this world, that it's the only way to get not just what you want, but what you need. I hate that, as soon as I get some, there's one thing or another that wants it instead. I just want one week where the money I get in the bank stays there longer than 24 hours!!! I just wish I could scream.

November 16, 2005

Day 15 - Pre celebration and today's PODA

It's FINISHED. My bouquet is ALL DONE!!! It looks GORGEOUS. I swear, when I got it all assembled and put the finishing touch on it---2 lengths of ribbon in the "original" colors---or 2 of them at least---it just about made me CRY!!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo happy, and soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of myself. All my hard's done!!! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!

Of course, now I have 2 (ammendment---14!!!) bootineers and another bouquet to do, but that's beside the point :-D Those will go by in a flash! They better----the vow renewal is tomorrow!!!

I will post pictures here later.

Another nice dad called last night while we were in our shower, and said my mom wanted to know if we wanted a cake. I had thought about it, but not talked to my husband, and figured we might not have the money for it, so....wasn't planning on it. But if my parents want to do that, that's fine. All I ask is that it's the Light and Creamy Icing at Martin's (Tops). :-D They can decide what's on it. :-)


Today is another slow day. At least I don't have a pile of dishes waiting to be washed anymore :-D I've got 3 bootineer's to make---I've decided my mom's flower (she just wants a rose, but I'll make it a whole bootineer, with a couple roses :-)) will be bigger than just the one rose, so I've got the one for my dad, my husband, and my mom. I've also got to make 6 for my daughter's bouquet. Well, instead of explaining I'll just make my list..... *bolded done since original posting to group.

Get up and dressed - done
Eat (the first bowl of oatmeal went cold. I'll make an egg sandwich instead here in a minute)- done (he woke up on his own)
Take steak out of freezer for dinner - done
Make list for WM visit - done
Get P up - done (he woke up on his own)
Go to college---only stay an hour. Don't want another ticket (doesn't matter that I no longer need to pay for it, LOL!!!)
Go to WM for xmas shopping and to price a present for P for mom and dad
Work on last roses 14 when I got home ( I just keep adding to my list!!! sheesh!!! there's no one on my list who I DON'T want to give a rose to!!! UGH---why am I complaining??? I love this!!!)
Make dinner (steak fingers [thanks Glen---my fil], tater tots/curly fries/left over frozen fry stuff, a canned veggie, ketchup and ranch dressing mixed)

November 15, 2005

Day 14 - update

Get up, dressed (I never get it to the shoes...just enough to be presentable!) - done (now totally...except socks and shoes, but those are next!)
Eat breakfast - done (lunch too!)
figure out vcr -done---now to see if I can use the VCR+ feature!
put away last of stuff from box
vaccum -done
put away sewing machine, clear desk -done
write check for Chorale fundraiser - done (did gas bill too---plan to put in mail when we go to Chorale)
iron her shirt -done
work on roses - done
work Chorale pictures - done (grumble grumble)
dishes - done by 8!!!
get dinner started -done but burned (it actually improved it---it was Jambalia (sp?) Chicken Helper)
Even managed to get a letter to a family friend written to tell them about what my mom has been going through---all enveloped and addressed.
Also got done: garbage! Now I just need to write one more check. For GS. Now to do that then play with my son for a bit...then off to Chorale! - done

Tomorrow is fun with roses. I have to assemble one more---maybe I'll go back out to the living room after I get Padraic down and finish that. Then I have to make 2 bootineers - dad and DH's - and 6 roses for DD's bouquet. It should definitely go quick. These are going to be beautiful!!! Don't worry, I'll have pictures---I know where the camera is!!!

Day 14-2 weeks of some kind of committment!!!

So....there are some things I want to get instituted soon. Like a real morning routine. It, as always, has to have flexibility built in. You never know when my husband is going to decide at 9 am to go to the credit union (on a trip I CAN go on), so I have to have that ability. Heck, I'm spontanious myself...who knows what I might want to do!!! At least I have the folder started---last night I hand wrote the front, and an encouraging statement on the back. Let's hope...I also want to start an evening routine. I figure it should start about 6 or 7pm at the latest, depending on the weekday---since my daughter has 2 activities, and sometimes (wow, like today) I have to work them myself. Or I just have to deal with them. And I can't watch my shows. But I have to make sure my daughter gets the living room cleaned up---I just hate getting up in the morning or after she and her brother have gone to sleep, and finding the floor a MESS. So I have to come up with how her stuff has to fit into the evening routine. As well as my son's....*sigh* I just have to get it written down!

Get up, dressed (I never get it to the shoes...just enough to be presentable!) - done
Eat breakfast - done
figure out vcr
put away last of stuff from box
put away sewing machine, clear desk -done
write check for Chorale fundraiser - done (wrote gas bill too, and a letter to a family friend telling them about mom's stuff---will send when we go to Chorale)
iron her shirt
work on roses
work Chorale pictures
get dinner started

That should be enough for now. I can't promise more. I figure, with all the stuff I plan on putting in a give away box, I might try a 25¢ sale with them first! Of course, with the way weather's going, I might have to hold off on that!

November 14, 2005

Today's PODA

Yesterday was a lazy day/get work done on the roses day. Plus some shopping for what my husband needs for what he wants to do for the windows. At least he wants to do them finally! Here's today's PODA (Parade of Daily Activities):

Get up and dressed - mostly
Go to Credit Union, transfer money back (there's a funny story about that...)
Go to WalMart, get fabric marking pencil/marker, stockings, seam ripper, yard stick/tape measure
Clear computer room floor (or - sort the box in computer room. Which is now all over the floor. DH went through it looking for something, I told him to leave it where it is cause that will motivate me to go through it all)
Hem DD's skirt
Make chili (told dad if he brought the crackers, I'd make chili. I'm to take care of dad some while mom's gone, so dinner is one of those things!!!)

I feel tired still (well, last night I didn't go to sleep until 2), though my teeth don't hurt so much. I'm trying to figure out what it is---I'm not depressed, at least I don't think I am. It could just be a lot of things catching up to me. I don't know...:-\ Not sure if I should be concerned or not...if I'm as tired as I think I am....I should just get out and get more exercise, I think. I really have to set down a control journal, with lots of flex time built in---I can't imagine strictly regimenting my life. I do well with routines and schedules, but strictly regimenting EVERYTHING is just not who I am!!!

Wish me luck!

November 12, 2005

Day 11---keep in mind---baby steps!!!

These are my plans for today...

Work on the roses
Do at least 2 rounds of cleaning in the kitchen, living room and computer room: set watch timer for 15 minutes, work in living room, then the computer room, then the kitchen, then rest.
Plans during each room: living room---general clean up; computer room---desks, floor, box area if time; kitchen---dishes, declutter counters and table, organize/declutter/match up tops in 2 cupboards.

Maybe through my example my daughter will get the idea to clean her room.

The whole while---country on the radio!!!

All this gets started between now (1pm) and 3pm (time to work on the roses, and sneek a peak at the movie on now :-) (USA Network)

November 10, 2005

Day 9---sputter sputter

I got several things on my list done yesterday. I even managed to wash all my dishes before I went to bed!!! I just didn't get all my folding done---another thing that needs to be done today :-
Today is a slow day for me. The major cleaning that's going to get done is my daughter's room---and SHE gets to do that!!! I'm going to work hard on SEVERAL roses for my bouquet, maybe even look into putting it together (depending on how far it gets), as well as making roses for the bootineers for my dad and husband and my daughter's bouquet. All roses are a DEFINITE. I'll do some dishes (which got ALL DONE last night :-D), maybe pick up a little, take care of hotspots, the like. I might get in transferring more addresses. My mom needs to transfer old addresses to her new address book, and a lot of the addresses in her address book are of family, that I want to make sure I have right. So when we were down there this weekend, and I think my dad said something about doing them, or my mom did, don't remember who---I said I'd do it. I have more time that my dad, my handwriting is a lot better than my mom's right now (because of all her stuff, she's a bit shaky still), and I need some of the addresses. She went through and crossed out all the ones she no longer wanted, told me what to put where (she's got some numbers she needs to grab quickly written on the front and back covers), and I took them home. They are now sitting in a pile---a pile of ADDRESS BOOKS, LOL!!!---on my desk. I put one address in both last night, since it's one that I have that needs to be updated in both :-) (I sent out announcements when I had my son---more on the ball than I was 9 years ago :-S---and the one couple that has been a family friend for years sent back a nice card and their new address, because they moved. I've got to work on a letter for them too. Started one, but stopped in the middle and it reads really funny, so I have to start over, and tell them all that's changed in a shorter time!!! The biggest pieces of news are my sister's wedding, and my mom going into the hospital. That all happened after they left/the last time I or my parents talked to them). I might also consider going out to WalMart, to look into some stuff I need for my daughter and into last minute supplies for the bouquet---I STILL need straight pins!!

Okay, so I can get to all this, I've got to jet. Take care all :-)

November 08, 2005

Day 7---still sputtering---and finding new goals

I tend to take the weekend off. I'll see if I can unearth yesterday's post to my group, and put that one for yesterday---tomorrow. It fills in a couple things for today. wasn't too bad. I think I've found why I'm not feeling so good, and it's not a good thing. :-( I think my teeth are starting to retaliate against me again. That's what happens when you DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH. But I've found what makes the pain go away *sigh* (just some ibuprofen, which we had a huge bottle of, but which has gotten lost!!! :-( I blame my husband) At least my whole jaw is no longer hurting, huh? But I've got to solve the problem. Can't right now---money's short, next month is Xmas, and my daughter needs her teeth looked at. Those are my goals for next year, I hope they can wait until then. At least her's isn't urgent. Neither is mine, if they respond to simple pain management.

Anyhow, that's not what I wanted to talk about. Today I managed to...

Wipe down the kitchen cupboards
Wipe down the kitchen counter
Wash a load of laundry
Vaccum my floor
Go with my husband to submit our rings for engraving
Organize my desk so I can go through it tomorrow...and write bills then
Brush my teeth
Take a shower
Give my son a bath
Get my daughter to her special activity today
Make dinner
Wash dishes (except for the dinner ones!!!)

Tomorrow I want to....

Get up and get dressed soon after
Have oatmeal for breakfast
Organize my desk
Pay bills
Wash all dirty dishes
Go for a walk!
Look into different recipes in anticipation of the holidays (hoping to make these for gifts, just as something different)
Finish off the white flowers
Fold all washed laundry
Set up evening routines
15 minutes of SOMETHING EXTRA

I've decided on a goal for myself, a new habit (in reaction to both Flylady and the Habit Builder around here.). I can't make it making dinner every day, since I'm doing really good with that (and I have enough meat to last me for a while). Well, I guess 2 or 3 goals. One is to take one thing around the house that needs done---like the kitchen cabinets today---that will make this house look better, and get me further along the way to getting this house in order. My desk tomorrow isn't tomorrow's---that's a hot spot I need to keep under control, totally different thing---but I will find one thing. I'll tell you tomorrow what. Another goal is to get out and move. I think I've come to that point I need to get to to start losing weight again. The first time around, it was finding I had the confidence in myself, cause I saw I could get through a difficult class. Now, it's watching Biggest Loser, knowing the depths they've felt, and seeing them hit the heights they are. My role model is Dr. Jeff (those who watch it know)---he's lost 100 POUNDS!!!! That's my weight loss goal. I will do it...I know I can, I've lost 2/5 of that before (quick math---that's 40 pounds, LOL!)!!! I'd like 10 pounds in the next month---so I can look just a little better in the dress I hope to wear to my sister's wedding. By next year, I hope to be down those 100 pounds, so I can look good in the next round of family portraits (I hope to get some after we renew our vows!). It's possible, just 10 a month is 120 pounds!!! 5 a month is 60---10 a month is closer to Weight Watchers at 2 a week---or 8 a month---which I'm used to but don't have the money for again just yet. The last is instituting a bedtime routine---which is something I need for me and my two kids. My husband works 3rd shift, so he's not here for it. But he factors big into it. I've been really good about getting a shower every day for about a year now---since a couple months into my last pregnancy, because I was feeling dirty EVERY DAY and it was the only thing that made me feel better from so many things. Well, my husband has always taken a shower before he went to work---I've just decided to give my son to my daughter to play with---she's okay with him for short periods---and jump in with him. I find it funny to reflect---when we were living with my parents, we did the same thing. With very involved. Now it's a place to talk and just generally reconnect. Then we were young...and, well, you know...;-) So that's going to be the first piece of my control journal, setting up a night time routine, the last piece being putting this guy to bed and making one last sweep of the house.

Well, off to watch what's left of L&O:SVU, get my son to bed, and get to sleep myself!!!

November 04, 2005

Day 3---List!!! And a recommitment??

Things that need to be done, November 4, 2005:

Dishes (perpetual, ugh!)
Work on Roses
"Pamper myself"---write, try for a short short!!!
Clean up general clutter
Make dinner
Get DD to GS
Get check(s?) from dad---phone bill and GS
Refind phone bill
Post this before baby wakes up!!!

I'm hoping to start back up with my writing. As such, I'm going to take my pamper mission for today, and use it to write write write write. I can do anything for just 15 minutes----even write!!!

The *BIG* recommitment is on the 17th---13 days and counting :-D Can't wait for the new rings!!!

November 03, 2005

Day 2---of posting my list....

This is the list for Thursday, November 3rd

Today is going to be an easy day. My house is looking decent enough (to me) that I want to take it easy---plus, one of the things on this list needs to be done by Saturday!!!

finish dishes
work on roses
work on B's letter (needs to be done by Saturday)
clean up small clutter---wrappers, etc
(forgot this on the list to the groups, but...)
clear desk
write out an order for magazines (due Friday)

November 02, 2005

Trying to FLY---time to be a Flybaby again!!!

I've decided I'd try to get this house in order. Something I've known of for a while, tried before but had no success because I didn't think I had time for, and decided to try again is Flylady. I've got to make a committment to this. But if I can make a committment to my husband again, then I can make a committment to my house. Baby steps. For me, a big one is keeping my living room halfway decent. Right now, I have to vaccum (will when the little one gets back up), but the floor is clear in there. My clothes are folded, as are my son's---they are still in the basket---but it's a miracle they are folded!!! My desk is cleaned off. I have a list of things I'm going to do. I'll share here. I have to get off here so I can start about 4 of them before my son wakes back up. I'm going to start posting my lists for the day on here, so I can keep myself in check. I post them to the Flying groups I'm on, besides Flylady's main one...

Wish me luck!

List for November 2nd, 2005

Vaccum floor
get garbage
sort drawers in computer room
hit wm for diapers, maybe fancy paper for B's letter (if none in drawers)
B's letter
hit po to send rent check (certified) and other pieces
look over finances for Nov.
more time in box?
write 5 min---something at least


September 05, 2005

Something else to consider

We're still having "problems" with how much the new little one sleeps, but it helps that I look at it all differently now. I have to keep in mind that no two babies are ever exactly the same. Also, they don't follow schedules, they make up their own. I'm working hard to learn how to take my cues from him. I checked in a couple of the many places I have for information on how babies are, and the general concensus is that they tend to sleep between 14 and 16 hours a day. So I found my watch and used the chronometer on it to see how long he slept in a day, over 2 different days. I found he sleeps about 14 hours a day, give or take an hour here, so I'm no longer so worried. Now I'm just working on learning how to tell when he's tired, and working on other things. I now have time to do things, more than just two seconds here and there, and I've got the energy to do them as well!!! I've actually been able to get some work done around the house, cleaning a couple of the rooms. And I plan on working on the kitchen some more (I worked on it last at 1-2 in the morning the other night!!!) this week, since the kids around here are finally going to school and, starting tomorrow, the new little one will have mommy all to himself! :-)

We went to see my mom yesterday, with my dad, all 4 of us since my husband didn't have to work this weekend (he did have to work tonight, even though it's a holiday), and my sister's godfather---who is a Lutheran pastor---showed up. My dad didn't say a thing to any of us about it until we were sitting there not long after we got there, cause my dad had talked to him at some point before he left yesterday morning. Where my mom's rehab is actually seems to be between where my sister's godfather's current church is and Erie, Pa, where he and his *friend*(really a nice lady :-)) were off to, even though both towns are, of course, in Pennsylvania. While he was there, he offered to give us communion---more notably my mom cause she's not been able to go to church in soooooooo long---as well as baptize the little one---though I'm not sure if he was serious about that. I want my little one baptized in my church, though, which is part of why it hasn't been done yet. Given the state of my religious/spiritual life over the last 10 years, I figure several people who know me might be surprised that I chose to take communion with them. Well, it was my family after all---to start---and I have to "keep up appearances" as well. But I'm starting to wonder if part of me isn't drifting back to the faith of my birth. I'm working on how and what exactly I'm going to address about my spiritual side in my journal. I haven't written anything down yet, but I intend to. I wouldn't see it as getting away with being able to have both traditional and radical beliefs. Many characters in this human tragedy called life have held beliefs that were both traditional and radical at the same time. For instance, you can look at what little I know of Martain Luther's struggle, which produced both Protestantism and Lutheranism.

And I must start writing again---something I plan on fitting in once I get this house cleaned how I want it, and get something of a pattern established for the little one and I during the day. We'll see.

August 26, 2005

Sleeping patterns....

It's a wonderful, beautiful, tough thing being a new mom. I'm loving it though. The one thing I'm not loving is the fact that my son doesn't seem to want to go down for a nap for very long other than on me during the day. He's been sleeping 7 hours a night, sometimes as long as 9, and sometimes we get another 2 hours in the morning after he first wakes up for his first feeding. Otherwise he is doing WONDERFULLY. He's smiling and laughing, "babbling", working on finding his thumb (still), feeding wonderfully, peeing a bunch during the day, pooping as he needs (right now we're in the middle of a few days when he's not pooping, but it's normal for a breastfeeding baby :-D), and just being the down right beautiful little man that he is :-). I love him more than anything in the world, as I do both of my other babies.

Right now though he's taking a nap. I think he just finally exhausted himself. He was fighting it so bad, and then poom...he was asleep. He opened his eyes a couple times, but then he got to the point I thought he might stay asleep for a while, and now he's in his crib :-). Just as long as he gets up soon---I don't mind him napping, hope he would establish something a bit better---2 2 hour naps a day would be fine with me, it would give me time to get this house clean!!!---but I don't want him sleeping so long now that he starts interfering with his bedtime routine. Since he was born practically, I established a bedtime routine where he and I go in about 9 o'clock, and I hold him and nurse him until he falls asleep. I think it's in part what contributed to his sleeping 7 or so hours a night. Sometimes he just nurses until he goes out, then we lay for a bit longer, either him snuggled up to his boob, or I pick him up and hold him a while longer. I love that point, where your baby is just sorta a sack of potatoes, and you can feel their warmth, and just hold them and kiss them and love them, enjoy their beauty, relish this time which is going to go so fast. I'm trying to do that during the day anyhow---sometimes I take a break and let his sister take him, or his dad (depending on the day and what's gone on), but big sis won't be able to take him in a couple more weeks---and enjoy his smiles, his laughing, even his cries. Because he won't be this small for long. I'd love keeping him up all the time to experience him, but I love seeing him sleep too. And I love breastfeeding him. It was so tough at the beginning, but it's going well now. I couldn't be more satisfied.

Now I have no idea what to do with myself. I want to, but don't want to clean this house. I did get one room looking better---the bathroom. Sure, it's not a room I can see, but I know I took care of cleaning it up some. And that's a good feeling---better than knowing it's still a huge mess. Now it's just a small one, ha ha.

I think I might just generally go crazy---I can't wait for my baby to grow up, but I love him at this stage. I want him to sleep, but I want him awake. I want to spend all my time with him, but I want my house clean. It's just crazy.

August 12, 2005

Is it monthly now?

It looks like I'm only going to get to this monthly. That's what happens, cause new moms are busy busy busy people. Busy changing diapers, feeding small children (from their own bodies :-D), and sleeping when they can.

It's going easier now. Those first few weeks were tough, but now we are all getting the hang of each other. Big sister is always EAGER to help out. Sometimes I have to tell her no. :-) Daddy is getting used to someone---learning what to say to him and everything. Sister just LOVES little brother. :-) Mommy OF COURSE does too. :-)

Now, some things I'm proud of...

June 21, 2005

It's over, he's here

It's been a while since I posted last, but boy have I been busy.

Of course, you should know by now that I was pregnant. Well, I had the baby. We had a beautiful baby boy. :-) We gave him the name we had been holding for years, since we had our daughter. He's 2 weeks old almost now. He's beautiful. We're still getting to know each other though. Breastfeeding isn't going as smoothly as I'd like, but it's been 9 years since I did it, so it's going to take a while to get just right. But he's beautiful. Sometimes, I find it hard to be his mommy. The crying and the nearly constant suckling can take a toll on someone. But I wouldn't replace him for the world. And I'm starting to be able to do some stuff. I got some dishes done over the last few days, and I just folded my daughter's clothes---big accomplishment for me. I haven't crocheted in days, but right now I can wait on that. I have to wait another week for his 2 week appointment---we went in a week ago, the Monday after he came home, for a jaundice appointment. He doesn't seem to have jaundice anymore---his underchin doesn't look as yellow as it once did, and he doesn't look "orange" either. His dad is sure he's got his dad's skin coloring, sort of a permanent tan, which I don't disagree with, so it's kinda hard I think to tell the difference between "yellow" or "orange" and just his skin coloring. But I want to wait until that appointment before we go down and see his grandma, who is still in her rehab center. She wants to see him bad, all she's got right now are pictures that my dad has been taking.

It's getting close to his next feeding time. He's taking a nap at the moment, something he either does on me or in his stroller. He likes his stroller/car seat a lot.

May 15, 2005


This evening's one of those low ones. Nothing bad happened---today was a good day, decided I absolutely had to get out of the house for a little while, just went to the store, did a little "shopping" and watched the old man chip some balls at the driving range. I think the low point started with watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Nothing wrong with the show---I like it quite a bit---but I think I just cried too much, and now my energy's gone down and I feel blue. Plus I walk around the house and see what a mess it's in---it could be worse, but it's bad enough as it is. I just want to have the energy to and be able to bend over a pick stuff up, ya know? Can't wait for the kid to get here, so I can start cleaning my house again and get on with things, like taking care of my family. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, just waiting for things to get going, and I've got to wait to have this kid for that all to happen. 3 more weeks...:-|

May 14, 2005

Shocking night...

Nothing bad happened, but woo hoo we had a small thunder storm tonight. It's all gone but the rain---I didn't stand or sit out and watch a lot of it like I like to, but I got to hear a lot of it. My favorite thunder is the kind that, even if it's a ways away, will rumble for a while, to the point where you can feel it under your feet, and it makes everything around you shake and rumble a bit itself.

I have to say, the one thunderstorm I liked the best was the one we saw when we were on our way to my father in law's house from the airport. I was super tired because it had been a long exhausting day of flights (2) and finding our way around, waiting waiting waiting to get out to Colorado. But it was just amazing watching the lightning off over the mountains, the mesmorizing lightning strikes, the rain...we were going 80 I think down Rt 25 (my brother in law, who was driving his new van to come and pick us up, is a speed demon!!!), but I felt completely safe. I was talking with my sister in law, and watching the lightning. I can't wait to live out in Colorado in part because of the 360 view you can get of the sky, and you can see so much more of the sky than you can here. Here you have to look over a lot of trees---there's trees out there too, even an abundance in some places, but because the ground is so much flatter, where there are rambling hills here, you can see so much more of the sky. My favorite weather is definitely rainy thunderstorming nights. :-) If the sky is dark enough with the clouds, even rainy thunderstorming days :-) I've been waiting for a night like tonight. The air smells refreshed now, now that it's been washed by the rain :-)

May 12, 2005

Update and blabber...ha ha

Take a look, Crochet Dude's got a blog!

Baby boy's not breech, just crosswise and oddly positioned. His head's down near my right hip, his back is up against the top of my belly, as is the placenta. Not nearly urgent enough or worrisome enough to require a C-section. I wasn't scared of it...even with where I'm going to be having this kid and it's history both in this family and with other people we know of...not nearly as scared of it as I am of natural childbirth. I just don't want to have to go through what I went through the first time around again. I shouldn't have to...I've been told my body is more forgiving this time around, more able to handle giving birth naturally because of it's prior experience.

Now I'm just concerned about the fact that there's a lot of things lined up for that timeframe. My father in law is supposed to be out here at the time, so that should help some, but I'd hate for my husband to be out on the "CH Open" when I'm going into labor. Through his friends, my husband got into golfing, in part to join into the CH Open last summer and fill out the foursome that had already started. I don't know how well he does out there, what his handicap is or anything---but as long as he likes it and doesn't leave any of his golfing equipment out in my way, I'm happy!! I'd like to join him sometime---both just to watch, and to golf some myself. I tried a few swings when I was younger and an older cousin was into it, but nothing since then. Maybe one day he and I or even he, the kids and I can all get into it together. My daughter just loves doing anything with daddy, so it wouldn't be out of the question! :-)

Mom's doing okay. I talked to her today, and she sounded pretty good. I don't know how long I talked to her---I could probably call up the calling card and subtract about 3 to 5 minutes from how many minutes were used total---but it wasn't a quick "hi, love ya, bye" phone call, and that's all that really mattered. I walked around doing a couple things, then I think played a round of Tri-Peaks on Pogo, then my daughter came home just as my mom begged off the phone, so I think it was maybe 10 minutes or so. I measure how she's doing not just by how she sounds, like my dad does, but also by how long I talk to her. :-) I wish she was home now, but I think she will probably make it home in time for my sister's wedding.

I have a dress I hope to be able to fit into by December, for her wedding. I do plan on starting to lose weight as soon as I can after I have this kid. We'll see when I have him. Can't wait for him to come for a multitude of reasons :-)

May 10, 2005

The end of a chapter

Today was my daughter's last day of Brownie scouts. She's a Junior Scout now :-). I've just got to call the lady who is in charge of the group that her old troop leader found for her. Her troop leader is moving on herself, which is in part the reason why my daughter is. She's studying to be a music teacher, and will be student teaching next semester, so she will no longer have the time for the girls that she feels they deserve. Honorable, I think. Those girls mean the world to her, I know that she wouldn't fold up on it if she didn't really think it was better this way.

For the next kid, I'm looking forward to Boy Scouts :-D

I realized as I got out of the shower just now, I'm at that point where I wonder if I'm going to be pregnant forever. It's just under a month until my due date, just under 3 weeks until my 29th birthday. Not possible, I know, to be pregnant forever, but I guess it's just that each day sometimes seems to take forever. There's something to do every day, but...I can't even remember almost what it's like not to be preggo...I miss being able to touch my toes, because to be able to clean this house like I'd like to, I need to be able to touch them!!! And if I have a C-section, it will be even longer. A C-section is possible---someone might be breech, we will find out tomorrow with a quick sonogram at my doctor's appointment.

I can't wait to have this kid, because I want to clean my house so bad. You don't realize how much energy it takes just to do a little bit of cleaning until you have almost no energy at all!!!

Oh yes, and I plan on starting to put up pictures of my projects. One thing I have been doing is making baby stuff. Hmm...wonder why, ha I will post the one for my neighbor as soon as I get the last 6 or so things sewn on, and whatever else I have---the most of which are in my washer right now!!! :-|

May 05, 2005

Still around

I'm still around and doing stuff. Mostly right now sleeping and sleeping and sitting around and crocheting. No writing for about 2 weeks now. There's been a lot of activity on my crochet group---the decided to give me a baby shower, on my birthday! :-)

My dad said that today my mom stood up twice. Woo hoo, way to go. I hope she keeps progressing well! We all want her here for my sister's wedding! :-)

Here are some things I found:

April 28, 2005

Catching up.

The last few days have been fairly busy. My husband's extractions went well. I remember them saying I was only out for 10 minutes wit my last. He wasn't really out, he was just sort of there (from his description...I don't remember a thing they did when they pulled my last one, because I went to the same dentist, I went to what I call "The White Place"...even wrote a poem about it once, not a long or good one, but...). He was in maybe an hour total, and I think it probably took them a half an hour tops to get the stuff done.

It's another month until I'm 29. It's not that I can't wait, but I'm not one of those who feels like 30 is the end of the world either. I'm actually looking forward to it! :-) We don't have anything major planned, though the next Star Wars episode comes out, and my husband wants to go out and see that. I don't know if I could sit in a movie theater for that long, and I wonder if someone won't have fun jumping around with all the loud noises I know will be going on while watching that movie. I just want to get through this pregnancy and be done with it, have the baby here and be happy. Not that I'm not, but I just can't wait until I've got my body back!!! The pains are normal, but I don't like them :-( Just about 6 more weeks of this!!!

My mom seems to be doing better. I talked to her this morning, while she was in dialysis, and she sounded tired, but overall she's been sounding a whole lot better, when we don't catch her in dialysis :-) Much better. :-) I talk to her last week for what must have been 10 minutes, and she was the one who was keeping the conversation going---sure, it was a lot of questions, but she was interested and engaged and wanted to sit and listen. Well, with her down there, there's little I can just call her up and tell her about. My husband has the "I'll think she's better when she's walking through the door"---any door up here, which I understand, but my dad and I can still celebrate the little things, too. My sister too. I have to have my mom talk to my daughter next time I talk to her, because she's missing her grandma. She's just too sweet, I could start a blog with all the stuff she does everyday. Such light and love comes from her---I don't want to extinguish it, the same with this little one's. It's amazing some of the random thoughts that come from my husband. She was sitting in the back seat while we were getting gas today, at a full service place, and out of the blue he made the comment that he wondered what this little one is going to be interested in. I've wondered too---but it's just the way he comes out with it. They are both so precious, and I'm excited to add another person to this family. I feel so much like I'm just in suspended animation until someone comes along---I can't experience their growth in the world yet, I can't do some of my own (how badly I still want a job, especially after that one I saw in the paper a few weeks ago....). But the time when I can do all that will get here, and I will feel it's moving way too fast when it does. It sometimes seems like yesterday I was pregnant with our soon to be 9 year old!!!!

April 21, 2005

Late night confession

Okay, it's one of those times for a late night confession. I'm just tired enough for this to be a whim, but it's all true...

My favorite kind of actor is a funny one. A comedian. Probably explains why I'm married to the man I am. Anyhow, because I prefer funny men, my top three actors at the moment are Robin Williams (also an Oscar winner :-D), Jim Carrey (which is a big surprise, cause I used to intensely dislike him because of how horrible his humor had gotten) and---the big late night confession---Ashton Kutcher. The reason why I like funny men, which can be proven with all 3 of these examples---even Ashton---is that they can actually play both sides of the drama face very well. Robin won his Oscar by, I believe, his work in Good Will Hunting, and while it was panned over for an Oscar, Jim Carrey was actually pretty good in The Majestic (which is one of my husband's favorite movies). Ashton also did well in The Butterfly Effect.

Ashton has to be the biggest surprise as a favorite of mine. But he kind of reminds me of a guy I knew in high school. I didn't much like him either, right off the bat, but I have to say they have several characteristics in common. They come off as self important, but are actually rather deep people (well, I hope the guy from high school is deeper than I percieved him to be). They play both comedy and dramatic roles very well (he was in nearly every play from our sophomore year, I believe, on). I've found out several surprising things about Ashton that make me pay attention when he's on. He plays a rather ignorant character on The 70's Show, but he's smart enough to have been working on something like genetics in college. Honorable, very honorable...

The real crazy thing would have been emailing that guy from high school though. I've got his email address copy and pasted in the computer gith now...

April 20, 2005

Hump day Wednesday.

Well, today's just another day really. It's the rest of the week that will be hectic. Tomorrow to be exact, since my husband is getting two of his teeth pulled. He'll be sleeping most of the day for sure---didn't get to sleep until midafternoon today. He was wanting to take tonight off, so he could get some sleep, but I told him he'd be doing all his sleeping tomorrow night. The last time I got a tooth pulled, I went to the same place and used Nitrious Oxide, which they are going to be using on him to put him out for a little bit, and I told him it's the best stuff but he'll be out for a while. I got to thinking about it, and he was right, he should have taken tonight off. Otherwise he'll be up all night tonight, with no chance for a break before his 11am appointment. And we still have to go and get his antibiotic!

But today went well. We met with a friend of mine from college, for "coffee" (the only one who drank coffee was my husband, I had a Raspberry/Banana smoothie, the kid had some OJ, and my friend---well, hers was mocha fudge something, so I guess that counts as coffee), and we went to Fashion Bug cause she had to return something. I looked around a bit, not that it matters since I'm pregnant and wouldn't be able to fit into anything or have anywhere to wear it. We found some earrings, and got those, including a pair that she liked cause they matched her necklace. What can I say, we're generous! It's interesting the difference in taste my husband and I have in earrings and other things. He can't stand dangle earrings of almost any kind, I gotta have some length at least, cause what's an earring if someone can't see them? Even if they just dangle a little bit! So, to bug him in part, the pair that I got because he wanted me to get a pair that I liked, or a set considering, were these big hoop ones in the shape of hearts. I don't particularly like the backs of them, but I thought they were pretty cool. Definitely not something I'm going to be wearing when I have the kid! :-)

April 19, 2005

Taking a minute.

Might as well take a moment while I have it. I'm working on dinner and am going to have to wake my husband up in a moment. But I haven't written here for a couple days, and I didn't want my limited fan base to think I'm not around anymore. Ha ha. I might disappear once in a while, but I'm not in a bad mood or anything (except for the occasional pregnancy mood swing that prompts my husband to lay off), so I'll pop my head in for a minute. I don't have the time to sit and write all I want, since today is after all a big day---the 10th Anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing, the day of the election of the new pope, etc. But I've got other things to do and on my mind. I might not get a real chance to sit back down in front of the computer and write a "book" as my mom and our penpal might call it, in blog form, until next week, as I approximate it, but it's just good to send out those tentacles once in a while. :-)

I will report, I wrote about 4 pages of my Bridges story this weekend. That's something, considering I was outside watching my kid and dealing with the other kids in the neighborhood while I was doing it. I've come to wonder if I'm going to have to worry about bullies for her, but I'm hoping not. I think she's the kind of kid whose going to open up her mouth and say something. She's been defending herself a lot more lately, with the one kid in the trailer park who's big trouble (let his family move away soon PLEASE!!!), so I think she's going to be able to handle herself okay, and if she runs into any problems I really think she's going to turn to us.

April 16, 2005

What happens if....

Have you ever wondered where you would end up if you hit "go to next blog" up in the right hand corner of the screen. Just to be curious (and waste time), I did. I went to someone's blog that was in Arabic (at least, it looked like the little scribbles I associate with Arabic---it's not like I can read it!!! :-\), then I went whose blog had the picture of someone in a red and white turban like thing that, again, one might find in the Middle East, but it was in English, and I think they were writing commentary on the US government. I didn't read much from there either (like I could from any of the first one, ha ha), but I followed a link to a page they had linked to about Sen. Frist and animals. The next blog looks like some high schooler's, it was all black with interesting (well, for a high schooler) poetry, etc. Then I went to a blog of someone who I think is in college, recently broke up with their SO, then someone who must be in sports in Nashville, then some guy who found he was gay after he got married and had a couple kids, and he was relating his life as it is now. Very interesting, I think I'll blog surf some more later on. Now to finally go outside!

Starting the weekend.

Okay, I hate coming up with titles, but I don't feel right not having a title on my entries. I feel it important to get people ready for what they are about to read, though I'm not always very good at it. And I need the practice for my stories, so I keep putting a title up. Also, congratulate me. I've kept this blog going for almost a week now.

It's a typical weekend so far, really. Just staying at home, watching tv, not doing much of anything. Even though I have done a little cleaning, and I put something in the crockpot for dinner tonight. It was supposed to be last night's dinner, and I had something else I could have made in it's place, since I was so tired yesterday morning, but instead I convinced him to pay for dinner. Not hard to do, LOL. I also ended up going to WalMart and buying a few things for the new little one. :-) I just have to go to the store today and get some groceries, though not right away. I'll do it soon enough, I've got to sit down and make the list.

Otherwise, it's a really nice day out. I've insisted my daughter clean her room, though, cause it really needed it. She's almost done---I informed her how fast she gets it done shows how much she wants to go outside. It's such a nice day, and her friends are outside, she's almost done, and she's only been really working on it for about an hour, so that says something. I've always told her that, if I didn't think she could do something---such as clean her room---I wouldn't ask her to do it. It's amazing how things like that sink into kid's heads and stay there. It sorta goes along with the lesson my husband learned at work, don't show them you can do something, because then they'll always expect it, LOL. Of course, I think I also picked that up and maybe was even told that a few times by my mom too, so...

I'm looking forward to going outside. I'll just sit and work on my neighbor's layette, but it's so nice out there it's better to work on it outside than in. :-) I might also take my notebook out with me, since I didn't do anything yesterday, and slept through the time for it today, since it's the weekend. And I think I'll at least type up what more I have of the RW story this evening too. We'll just have to see how things go :-) If nothing else, I'll bring my journal along, it's been a few days since I wrote much in it, and I never finished talking about last weekend, since I was so eager to work on my stories on Thursday.

Finally, I found a bit of a disappointment in the newspaper last night. There is an ad for the job I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!! What job is it, you might ask? It's a position as a Library Assistant (Technical). EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO. And I can't apply for it!!!! I'm pregnant, and I doubt they would hire a pregnant woman, especially considering when I'm due, and when the job is supposed to start. My husband suggested I put in an application anyhow, just with the request that they hold my application for the next time they need to fill the position and an explaination why I can't apply for the job now. I might do that. But I'm just a bit sad---I'm getting over it easily :-P---because it's the job I want. And even if I had another job right now, I'd have applied for it as soon as I saw it, if I wasn't pregnant!!!!!! But it's all okay, cause I'm looking forward to this little person coming along, and my family is the most important thing in my life :-D

April 15, 2005

A day off...

Yesterday I managed to get 2/3 of the folding I wanted to do done. Today, however, isn't going to be quite as productive. I haven't taken my hour and written. Instead, I took what amounts to be a 5 hour nap. What can I say, I was TIRED!!! But today I have a doctor's appointment, so I couldn't sleep all day. I was doing well, but I made that schedule flexible, just in case something like this happened. And the day isn't over yet, maybe I'll take some time and go in to write some still. I think you can probably bet on it.

Something good happened last night. The little one had yet to kick for daddy. Every time I would call him in while someone was kicking, or go in and lay down next to him and someone would kick, I'd have him put his hand on my belly, but someone would stop. It was getting down right wierd, and we were wondering if maybe someone didn't like daddy, or was playing games with us (yes, I know it's not really possible considering the state the person is in, but it never failed, someone never kicked when daddy had his hand on my belly!!!). Well, last night I was laying on the couch, and encouraged him to put his hand on my belly in this one spot that I can get some call and recall going with the kid while I'm laying there. He came in, just put his hand on my belly for a little bit, then decided to do some call recall of his own. Wouldn't you know it, someone reacted, so daddy finally felt a kick! Made me really happy, and I think daddy too!!!

April 14, 2005

Another day

I'm sick of making titles. But otherwise....

Today's been a good day so far. I wrote about 3 or 4 pages of my "Red Wing story," simply named so so far because most of the action has been at Red Wing right now. I worked on it because it caught my eye when I opened the notebook.

Otherwise, today hasn't been as productive as I'd like it to be. But I guess that's okay too. I ended up taking a rather long nap, well, maybe 2 and a half hours. In part because yesterday I didn't take any and I was bushed!!! I went to bed at something like 11 pm last night, where I usually go to bed about 1 am!!! I'm a night person...but yesterday I was dead by 10.

All I really have to do today is fold the clothes I didn't get to last night, and the dishes I didn't do. I was going to say not getting to those meant yesterday wasn't as productive as I thought it was, but I can't say that. I did a lot yesterday. And I feel good about it. Felt good yesterday :-).

Today I feel good too. If I at least sit down and do some writing, that's all I feel I'm required to do. That's a big point in my life, after the baby comes and I have more energy, then I'll be able to routinely do all the other things I have to do much easier. And I've written, so I can go about feeling good today and putting those feelings into whatever else I do :-D

April 13, 2005

My current journal--note the round graphic on the front. Posted by Hello

Just a day at a time.

I have to say, no matter how true it is, that has got to be my least favorite phrase. It doesn't make me grit my teeth the way that "Cool Beans" does (I can't stand that one because of a particular person also, but in a totally different way.), but it does give me a great big headache.

The reason why "Take it a day at a time" gets to me so is because, if I would have something I really wanted and was planning for, and I would start telling my mom about it, she would almost always say "let's take it one day at a time." Interestingly, she never said that about college. But she says that even about what she's going through now. A lot of times, such as with what she's going through now, I will admit it makes perfect sense. And frankly, you never have a choice BUT to take things one day at a time. My thought always is, though, that one has to have goals. Therefore, you have to plan and think ahead, which is what I was usually talking about when my mom would pop in with her "take it one day at a time." That, or hoping for the best. Somehow her saying that gave me the idea and the impression that she was and does expect the worst. I suppose that's not such a bad thing to expect---if you expect only the worst out of things and people, you will never be disappointed because through your thoughts and actions you make it a reality. If you expect the absolute best all the time, you will always be disappointed because no one can live up to anyone's false sense of reality. That's part of why, I expect what will come will come, even though sometimes I admit to falling prey to expecting either the best or the worst out of people and situations, and being either disappointed or surprised. I can't say I'm any more perfect than my mother, of course, but I try my best with what I know, which I have to admit is all she's ever done. Sometimes I see her life as being a very sad existence (which is what I know she's going through in her own mind right now), and I wonder how she gets through. She has no goals that I know of---I mean, other than bringing up my sister and I, and staying with my dad and making their relationship work for as long as it can---I'd be the last to knock those goals, as those are all I want for myself. Well, considering my life, they are the LEAST I want for myself, as being the best mom and wife I can be are the basis for my life and those two titles, labels, whatever are both the only ones (besides daughter, daughter in law, and writer) that I will keep and gladly accept from the outside world. But I also want so much more, and I wonder sometimes if there is anymore my mom wants. I see her life not as pointless (she's one of the most wonderful people on the face of the earth, my best friend, my mentor, a beacon for me, someone I go to for advice, that's why it's so hard for me right now knowing she is not in a condition right now where she can fill those roles, and it hurts me so bad to see her hurting.), not as having no goals or impacts to make. But looking at how I'm trying to shape my own life, I wonder if she has any goals right now. I mean, with all that's going on in the family---a new grandchild, my sister's wedding---I can't see how she might not see a reason to live, or a reason to make goals that, admittedly, could be a long time coming to completion, but that the only way she can start filling them is working now. Once I was talking with my dad about my mom---something we do often, after a visit or just in the evenings to console ourselves because of the loss we feel with her so far away right now, and it's always amazing how alike we feel---and he made mention that, if she were in state, close, where we could go visit her every day (that's where I'd be right now if she was in the next town over, where I'm really hoping she can be, because I was there at least 10 minutes a day, everyday, when she was in the next town over, whether I had classes or my internship or what), he'd be there, helping her, giving her support, being a crutch, heck, doing most of the work, walking her from one end of a hall to the other. I told him I'd be right there with him, under the other arm, especially if I wasn't pregnant (anymore, as it may look). So many times, we said we'd give her our lungs, our kidneys, we'd change places with her in a heart beat. It just doesn't seem as if she finds a reason to make the goals she needs to, it seems if she thinks she's stuck where she is and all the worst happened to her because it was supposed to and there's no way she can get out of where she is. Well, I won't disagree that what happened to her happened for a reason. Everything does. But she's supposed to grow and learn from it, not just sit and wallow in it.

All of which in a round-about way brings me around to where I can talk about myself again (ha ha), and even more maybe explain to those who might have misunderstood where I was coming from with my post yesterday. I don't see myself as a chronically depressed person. For one, I've always been so positive, in high school and even now. I don't like my down moments, which is probably what makes them so much harder for me to go through. I have a friend who has told me countless times that she's amazed how well I've handled everything that's been thrown into my life recently---the garbage with my mom's health, even the somewhat surprising arrival of the new person. In part, it's because, when I do get depressed, I retreat into myself. I will ask for help and go to a psychologist when I feel it's getting really bad, or whatever's going on is something I feel I really can't handle, or I just need something of a reality check---there were at least 2 instances of that when I was in the middle two years of college, and once in high school, when I made appointments. I always got the reaction that I was fairly normal, what I was going through was normal, and that I was handling it in the right way. Somewhat of a surprise, sometimes I think, because of my family's history---my grandmother being certified (literally), my mom being chronically depressed or, as my dad thinks might be the case, suffering from Post Tramatic Stress Disorder due to her childhood and grandma being certified, as well as my mom's sister deserving to stay in Jone's Hill (I swear, if anyone ever says something like that to my sister again, that SHE belongs in Jone's Hill---oh, I swear I'll bean them myself!!!!!!!!!!). But I don't let everyone always know about every little thing. Because I'm so "normal", I know sometimes I can pull myself out of whatever funk I'm in, and set myself straight and on my feet.

So what I did this time was to sit and do some serious thinking. Writing it out always helps, as I have started doing every day (again, finally!!!) in a really nice journal I picked up at the bookstore a few months ago, with this really cool round pattern on the front of it. I wrote about all the stuff that was driving me crazy, and made little notations about how I was going to fix one of the things (money. It's always money don't ya know?). Then, in part thanks to my husband's little quip about hormones and how I have to be careful about how upset I get and how the hormones will affect the kid (not that I don't agree...and it helped get me out of the funk at the time), and in part because of looking back at the entries I had made, I decided to take a step back and look at how I was reacting to things, and maybe rethink it all. I considered the times when I did the best, or close to it, felt the best, when I felt the most in control, etc. While certainly the house was nearly always in some sort of a mess, the times I felt most in control, and felt life moved most smoothly, were when I had some sort of structure. Now, it was a disaster when I was in the Army (in part because they are just not flexible enough for love :-P), but I got along okay during college, especially during the school year, in part I think because I knew where and when I had to be somewhere. I think knowing I was doing SOMETHING worthwhile helped too, but it was structure. So I figured I had to find some sort of structure. Also, it was when I was doing something productive. Well, look around. There are a lot of productive things I could be doing during the day. Cleaning, crocheting (omg, you mean sometimes that's not enough. I've been crocheting the whole time!!!), most importantly WRITING. That's part of why I went to college, it makes me feel I gave myself a schedule. I also made myself understand that this schedule has to be flexible (look, it's soaking up over an hour now where I could be cleaning!), and may (ha ha, will) change when the baby comes. I didn't schedule out every hour, just time frames. A few hours in the morning when I can write. A few in the afternoon to clean. I wrote in an expectation of a 2 hour nap. I wrote in time for me, time for my family, time to make us dinner. Since I wrote this schedule up, and the time for it's implimentation began, I think I've done okay. There are days where I will mess it up, I won't follow it, for one reason or another---a scheduling conflict between the schedule and an appointment, taking a nap longer than 3 hours, etc---but I've got to===*sigh*===take it all one day at a time, with an eye on my goals.

So, what have I done so far today? Well, I have to say, one thing I find a bit amazing is that I have yet to go down for my daily nap. I wrote 4 whole pages of my current story. I think that's the most I've done so far. When I realized I didn't want to take a nap, and contemplating what I need to get done for today, I made myself a list on one of my dry erase boards I have hanging around the house. It started off with making a couple phone calls I had to make, then I have 2 baskets of clothes to fold---3 when I get the load I have in the washer dry. I also have to do dishes. But I'm really proud of myself, because it's only the dishes from the actual baking of the Swedish Meatballs last night, and not a whole pile like usual :-(/:-). Since it's the day before payday, I want to get the checks for bills written so they can be sent out tomorrow. I have made the calls, washed the towels (just have to transfer them to the dryer), put the dishes in the sink---and completed tasks not on "today's" list, but on another list I have, for all the things I have to clean in the house. I've been wanting to dismantle my desk, sort out all the shelves and the organizers I have. My shelves look a lot better, and while I don't have all my writing stuff organized quite how I wanted it, I do have some of those organizers looking a lot better. I even further sorted the stuff I brought into the living room to give my attention to.

So, the day wasn't even half over (I turned the tv off at 9, and didn't turn it back on until noon to "watch" the news...which I changed it to Unsolved Mysteries instead, ha ha), and I already felt accomplished. I think my biggest accomplishment were the 4 pages I wrote. I'm hoping I can pick up the same amount of momentum when I start work on the other stories I have in the wings, the ones from my Creative Writing class that I have to continue and/or edit. I'm proud of me, I know I've accomplished something important to me, and that makes me feel good. It makes me feel whole.

April 12, 2005

Long Time No Blog

It's been almost 2 months since I've blogged. I really haven't been that busy, just tired and a bit down. Now I'm working on being in a better mood and actually doing things, not taking all day naps anymore.

I started to realize how depressed I was, sleeping a lot always being a symptom, besides how dang cranky I'd be (my husband would ask me what's the difference, I'm always cranky), and since I don't like being depressed and down, and I don't like depressed people (though at times my life seems full of them---or at least full of their problems), so I decided to pull myself up by my boot straps and get my butt in gear.

One thing that I've been working on is cleaning the house. I finally managed to get help with both our bedroom and the living room. I've cleaned a portion of my kitchen---the fridge and the stove top, which was really starting to get grungy. I've got to finish the rest of the kitchen---wipe down the counter tops, organize a few things, fill a few others.

Also, I've been working on things for the baby. I've got a nice layette in a color yarn I like. I've got a blanket in a pattern I like, and the sweater and bonnet so far as well. The layette pattern doesn't have a blanket pattern in it, so I made a blanket pattern I liked. There is a set of booties that goes with the layette pattern, but I found another pair I liked in another book and made those. I have enough yarn left, I'll probably go and make the pair that goes with the sweater and bonnet.

I'm also making a layette for a neighbor who is also pregnant. I found a sweet ombre called Giggle Prints in Red Heart Baby Soft. I'm using a Lilac that I've had for a little while that brings out the lavender/purple/lilac in the Giggle Prints.

Finally, and most importantly to me, I've made a commitment to start writing every day. Well, at least on the weekdays. I need some time off, you know. So far it's worked, I wrote 3 pages worth yesterday and 2 today. I'm very proud of that, they flowed well. Now I just have to---well, finish that story, and work on the others I've got.

February 15, 2005

Frankly, I don't know how I get through every day of being a parent, a wife, or an adult. I remember my mom saying that she didn't feel like she was an adult until she was at least 27. When it comes to her, sometimes I wonder how she EVER felt like an adult---especially now with everything that's going on with her, which I understand why, but..., she's acting more like a child than ever.

But my mom isn't what this rant is about. It's not just my kid that I have a hard time dealing with, it's the other kids in the trailer park. There is a kid leaving in March, I can't wait for his family to go. The other, who knows when his family will ever leave---he's older, and his mom has said that they were going before, buying a house, but they never have. He's hard to keep away. When there's no one else to play with, he comes to our door and expects to be able to play with my kid. And he doesn't just come to the door once, he comes several times. I swear, I am so sick of the doorbell, it's horrible!!!

But the other kids aren't all I want to rant about. You know, I always hated it when my mom yelled at me. I know how it feels way down deep in a kid's stomach. And I hate to be like that, yelling and screaming to get my daughter to do stuff, but there are times I just have to. It could always be worse---but I'm totally against corporal punishment. It gets you no where, except in jail these days. And it makes someone feel even lower. But when I yell at my daughter, my husband sits there and says "calm down, relax, you don't need to yell at her." Sure, coming from him. Sometimes he gets snippy too. And sometimes I need to nag him. Don't think I start off yelling. I start off with both of them nice and gentle. "Please do this." But they keep putting it off, saying "I will, not right now" blah blah blah. Well there are times when it does need to be done now. If in part because at least one person in this house (me) gets sick of looking at it!!! It seems all too often that I'm the only one who cares about what goes on and how this house looks. :-(

February 09, 2005

Weclome yourself

This will be short and sweet. This is the third place I've gone though. I like the way this place looks better. Check out my past places: Live Journal and Blurty. I prefer to do all my html by hand, so just bear with me. You'll learn more about me later---elsewhere....:-)