March 31, 2008

Today (and every day after) is a new day

I've finally decided...

I've been pondering lately whether or not to restart with the Flylady notifications list. Well, today I received Sink Reflections in the mail (thanks to, and I've already read most of the first chapter. I'm going to start TONIGHT. So things will start TODAY. I'm going to shine my sink this evening, after I get P down to bed. I'm hoping that will be much earlier than usual. I've also got Body Clutter, something I have to sit down and actually start reading again!

This afternoon we went kite flying. D had the day off (inservice at school), and she wanted to go out and fly a kite. So we dug in the washroom for where I knew we had some kites. Only about 2 of the 4 were salvagable, so we started off with those. Some preteen hysterics ensued, but we decided we'd run to WalMart and pick up kites if we could find them there (yes, I know, WalMart's got everything, but you know as well as I do that half their products are shotty.), and we were also contemplating having hamburgers on the grill last night (now that it's actually a bit warm here in WNY---my Weather Channel thing says 55 right now), so we got some thing for that. And just more stuff. :-| You know, I talked to the girl upstairs and she was surprised when she found out there have been times that I actually took several things back to WalMart. I have. One of us is crazy, I know. Anyhow, we found some decent kites, and got some bubble stuff for P, so D and T were enjoying the kites, and I got to mozzy around, watching them and watching P with the bubble stuff, carefully walking around this grassy field at the college where I used to play softball as a kid, when I was about D's age.

When we were driving, for when we originally flew kites, T and I were discussing stuff, as we are oft to do. I like the quiet conversations more than the just sitting someplace together. And definitely the doing things together, as a couple and as a family. I wonder if we can find some classes or something that we can do together? Anyhow, we drove by where we ended up flying the kites, and I told him how I used to ride my bike there to practice, when I was about D's age (11). And he commented how he used to go like 4 miles from home to go grocery shopping for his mom from time to time when he was her age (note: the field is about 1 1/2-2 miles from where we were living at the time. And T and I are the same age---he was born just 5 days before me). My exact comment was "you know, I used to ride my bike down here to go to practice by myself when I was D's age, and I have a hard time letting her ride her bike just here in the neighborhood." It sucks how the world is now. :-( If it's in such shape that parents (reasonable, attentive parents) have a hard time letting their 11 year olds loose on the world (ha ha---and with her sometimes that's really no joke) now, how will it be when P is 11? In just 9 years? I mean, it's only been one generation since I was her age. Sad, how really sad it is :-(

This is the last day of letting the computer take up a lot of my time. I'm going to restrict my time as much as I can---I've got to find a timer around here, because 15 minutes is going to become a strict policy for a few things around here. I wonder how much blog posting I'm going to be able to do in 15 minutes. Maybe I'll have a couple times I'm on the computer.

I must say though...

It's going to be nice being able to find thing around here again.

March 29, 2008

After a hiatus....

Hopefully I'm coming back. I almost feel like it. It could be possible. It would probably be more possible if I had gone to bed an hour ago like I was thinking of doing, instead of coming in here and playing a 3 rounds of Tumblebugs 2, and then reading some stuff. Oh well, I read a couple devotionals, one of which brought me to the blog of someone (some people? Hey, the lady in that first picture looks a lot like my Weight Watchers meeting leader. But she's here in WNY, not out in Kalamazoo [didn't think I could spell that without looking, did you? But I used to have family that lived there. She and her husband moved to Missouri recently [[hi Sarah]]].) I know I've either seen through blog hopping or just other random blogging circles.

I really need to stop and listen to where God is trying to speak in my life. I know He's been yelling recently. Or I think he is, or something.

I hope this morning is the start of something good. I realized last night that a lot of how everyone else in the house is has to do with how mommy is, so mommy needs to start the change. Which includes going to bed earlier. I guess I missed that tonight. Last night too. I got up earlier than I have. I think I've been over sleeping. I I I I I.

My ankle is healing. Slowly. I might have put it back a bit. I actually did some cleaning around here today. I vacuumed. I've been working on doing dishes. I cleaned up our bathroom---it nearly shines now. Ha ha. I don't feel as bad about this apartment as I used to. I hope to start feeling better.

It looks like the car will be back in our possession next Tuesday. It's got an appointment for an alignment Tuesday morning. Otherwise it's nearly all fixed. I miss that Grand Am. We've got a couple things we have to send out, but things will get all figured out soon enough :-)

Mom had her left knee replaced on Tuesday, again. Today's the first day I talked to her. She sounded and feels miserable. But at least she's not as loopy as maybe she was yesterday or the day before. I just can't handle her really out of it and hallucinating. It scares me too much. I've been praying for her the whole time, and talked to her last week about not coming to visit her, hopefully she'll be good enough we can go see her again soon. Maybe not after church on Sunday, but soon.

After this week, only 2 more weeks of doing the Penny Savers. I can't wait. Help me let go and let God with the candle biz, will ya??? I can't tell you how much I LOVE ALL THE PRODUCTS! My fave is the Bella Buns! MMM...looks and smells like a real cinnamon bun! Oh, but unfortunately T and D have been doing all the work :-( P and I follow in the car. :-|

Now, to bed. I just want to know why last Friday's the last day I received a devotion in my email? :-|

To sleep...perchance to have a good dream tonight!

March 28, 2008

Friday's Feast #14

Okay, I say in the post you might have read before this that I've taken a brief (ha ha) hiatus---this was written after that post, but I like this meme so much I just have to catch up on the weeks I didn't do them. Like here and here and here.


What does the color dark green make you think of?

This dress I tried on one year for an Easter dress. It was way to mature for an Easter dress---and my age, which was about 11 or 12---but I looked pretty good in it. Way to mature though.


How many cousins do you have?

In my generation, I've got 2. My dad's brother had a boy and a girl---they are now of course grown, and married (I still get to say I'm first on this side of the family too :-D), the boy still lives in the same town they grew up, in Michigan, the girl recently moved to Missouri. My mom has a few cousins which are of course mine, and my mom's sister got married to someone who had kids (as she did get married really late in life), but they really aren't my cousins. There is this one girl I've seen at college and around town who is so butt ugly that I swear if my mom's sister had an illegitimate kid and gave it up for adoption, this girl would be the first candidate. My mom's sister is butt ugly, for real I'm not just saying that because of the bad blood between us all. She's not just ugly---she's about as much of a sour puss as my mom's sister always looked like in pictures.


On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how honest are you?

Pretty close to an 8 or 9. There are more lies by omition than anything. Some things I haven't told people. But I can't just out right LIE. It's hard for me---sometimes I say the truth too easily.

Main Course

Name something that is truly free.

God's love for you and me. Yes, a great cost was paid, but there is nothing more that we have to do to get it than profess our love and belief in him. That's it. And how much is that, really.

Hey, that reminds me----Go HERE. Are you truly saved? This gave even me a pause, because I'm not sure I'm as transformed as I thought I was...


Using the letters in the word SPRING, write a sentence.

Some Precipitation Really Is Not Good!!! That is one of my favorite techniques from college! I have to use that, because it doesn't came all that HARD to me!!! :-D

March 21, 2008

Friday's Feast #13


Given the choice, would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

The country, because then I'd be able to let my kids run around outside without worrying so much about cars driving by all the time (we live right on a major route---it's spans the whole US, literally). And I wouldn't have neighbors so close. And I wouldn't have to deal with pollution quite so much.


Who is the cutest kid you know?

P. He's a doll. Though I will tell you, Lotus' son is a close third---my daughter being an even closer 2nd.


Fill in the blank: I couldn’t believe it when I heard ___________.

I couldn't believe it when I heard that Heath Ledger had died. I even wrote a quick post about it.

Main Course

If you could star in a commercial for one of your favorite products, which one would you want to advertise?

Oh my goodness---I don't know if the company would ever do it, but I would LOVE to be in a commercial for the candle biz. Hmm...maybe I should start treating a whole lot of my life as a commercial for it, at least online.


What type(s) of vitamins and/or supplements do you take on a regular basis?

At the least, a multivitamin when we remember. T used to have a whole load of them he'd have us take. But we try to have a multi just as often as we can---sometimes we even have them several days in a row!

March 19, 2008

Update as well....

....okay, well, I'm not completely well yet, but I'm getting there. My cold is slowly going, but P has it and oh boy so does D. T has yet to. I don't know what I'm going to do about the Penny Saver route...hopefully this weekend she doesn't feel as bad as she does now, but I had to have her deliver them this week, even though we had to do it today---I felt stomped on and couldn't stuff them on Saturday, or Sunday---we didn't even go to church---or even really Monday. Yeah, I didn't even put them together until Tuesday. Lame, I know...but I'm sure people can live with them being late for 3 weeks, then they can have whatever other screw up decided to pick up the job. I'm thinking they'll get my letter tomorrow. I wonder if he'll call or just leave a note with my papers? I'll learn on Friday night.

My ankle is better. I'm not going to go for a 3 day hike yet, but it's not simply in sit on the couch ALL THE TIME with an ice pack on it the whole time, swelled 3 times it's size condition anymore either. Okay, it was never that bad, but still. I've got another appointment with my general practitioner next month, and I've got the sheet for the bloodwork. There seems to be a question about my blood pressure, which could explain my ups and downs (though I've not yet researched it enough to say that), and I'm determined to keep losing weight. I'm not going to end up like my mom. I refuse to. And I think my doctor will understand that, in part because he's had her as a patient before. And it's best to attack all this health stuff and heredity now. Rather than clean up the results later.

And there's only one way I'm going to get the strength. The same place I have all day---I can't even tell you how many times I asked just for strength to do one simple thing of housework. And I did a few even. Not a lot, but some at least.

Take care. :-)

Wordless Wednesday

I think my daughter might have a future in...well, something.

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March 16, 2008

Topping off my week...

Hello to everyone, both my fellow Blog Hoppin' pals and my "regulars" (you know who you are).

Well, my insane week hasn't ended yet. Maybe it's an insane fortnight. Anyhow, Thursday morning I woke up with a nice tickle in my throat, and it only went downhill from there. Because then it became a cough---one so bad it woke me up in the middle of the night. Thursday night, from 1am to 4am I woke up every hour on the hour to cough---sometimes in the middle of coughing! :-( Friday night P started showing some signs of not feeling well, and he and I woke up every couple of hours to move our positions. Then last night---I went to bed feeling horrible, P wasn't much better. He and I both went to sleep quickly---but sometime in the 3 hours after we went to bed, I did get a little bit better, perhaps to take care of P when I had to. He ended up puking a bit---I had a large cup by the side of the bed, that I've used in the past for water, and that was good enough to catch what had to be caught. I spent most of the night with a wet and hot-then-cold towel on my face and chest. Plus I had vapo rub, and I did a bunch of gargling with hot salt water from time to time over the past couple days. P tried to do that yesterday after my mom had reminded me of it, but he nearly choked---it was with regular water. Now he's a bit drugged up and fell asleep at about 6:30 while sitting on his daddy's lap. It was cute, but the camera was across the room so I couldn't spread the wonder :-| Now it's just to wait and see if and how badly T and D get hit with this.

Speaking of T and D (and P) getting hit with something---the car doesn't look pretty, but it will get taken care of, and pretty easily. The estimate was roughly $4600, we'll have to pay roughly $300 as that's our deductible (Allstate's Premier/Premium/whatever plan is just awesome---the one that takes off $100 for each 6 month period you go without an accident. The only thing is that if we do have another accident [hope not], the deductible will be $500), and also includes the towing, both to and from the tower's shop/yard. But our car should be done soon! :-) We have a rental right now, it's a Nissan Maxima. Definitely different!

I can't wait until I feel better, and I can get my air cast off, and live life like I'm used to. It's getting irritating sitting and doing nothing. And the house is not so great either. You know what really sucks---my good week was just before all this :-(

March 14, 2008

Friday's Feast #12


On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as highest), how much do you like your own handwriting?

I'd say about a 9. I also like my husband's handwriting a lot. I LOVE the way I sign my name (the "signature" from down there is not really close likeness, but I don't want it to be because I don't want people to use it, if ykwim). It's all loopy but thin in a way too. I've liked it since I was in high school, as I've signed my name as I do since then---and I was happy after a while when I realized my first and last name rhyme, because I've got the last 3 letters in my last name practiced---son. I have a certain way those get signed too. And I think my ex-best friend's handwriting is probably one of the few things I still like about her. I don't know how to explain it, but I always feel comforted when I saw a letter from her, something in her handwriting, or maybe the fact that she was actually making an effort to write to me. I think the person whose handwriting is closest to hers that I know now is my pen pal Teresa, from Michigan :-) I like her handwriting a lot too :-)


Do you prefer baths or showers?

I take a lot of showers, but that's because the baths we have are always rather difficult to get in and out of being a rather large woman. I'd love a huge whirl pool tub though. Of course, you can't discount the value of a nice long hot shower. :-)


What was the last bad movie you watched?

Oh, man, the last movie I saw that I wish I could have gotten that time back---Blades of Glory. It's oddly good, but those parodies are ridiculous. But I guess that's how they're supposed to be. Runner up---Epic Movie.

Main Course

Name something you are addicted to and describe how it affects your life.

Well, there's a lot of things I'm addicted to. Food. I've already gone over this in another post. Computer games. I sometimes spend WAY too much time on the computer playing this game or that. Yarn, crocheting, knitting. Probably one of the few things that do not adversely effect my life. Not like food or computer games do. Because it's part of me, it's productive, and I can put the stuff down.


Which instrument is your favorite to listen to?

Clarinet. It's what my daughter plays, and she's not bad at it. Which reminds me, she hasn't practiced at home for ages. :-|

March 12, 2008

I Asked For Play, Not Fast Forward!!! Or...this is why...

Pictures speak louder than words:

P.S. It wasn't me. I wasn't even in the car. But it was because of my ankle I think. :-|

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March 11, 2008

[Ten on Tuesday] 10 Things You're Looking Forward to in the Spring

There's really one thing and one thing only that really expresses what I'm looking forward to this spring:

1.  N
2.  O
3.  M
4.  O
5.  R
6.  E
7.  S
8.  N
9.  O

March 10, 2008

Still around

Don't worry all (of my very few loyal readers :-S :-)), I'm still around. Just sitting on the couch and knitting and crocheting a lot while I'm on the mend. I am getting really antsy---I finally broke down and asked T to do some cleaning for me. Of course, not much got done...he didn't get up until 2, since he does after all work nights. Since last night was Sunday, he got home at 3, I don't know when he fell asleep here on the futon, but he was there at 9, and then went in the bedroom until P came in and bugged him some. That's when I asked. I won't go into all that---needless to say, in general, if you've noticed, I've felt horrible most of the time, and now that I'm on crutches and have a limb that's not up to par, I'm even more upset with myself over things. But I have to learn to ask for help. Maybe I have to learn to ask the right way. I don't think I've learned that, even with T, yet. :-( But he did do some, and I sat and did some silverware at least. :-( I want to throw down the friggin crutches. And start going around and doing all that it is I've been putting off. I can't wait until this foot is back to normal. I'm just really not a happy camper this week. Not that I've been a happy camper most of the rest of this winter, either! :-(

Stay tuned, if I can manage I will be joining in on Lotus' The (Breast)feeding Carnival tomorrow. You can hear how I've trained my boy early to be a boobman! :-) I'm training him to be a kind and considerate husband to someone one day too---he likes to clean!

I need to go to bed now. Nightie night all.

March 07, 2008

Friday's Feast #11

This is the "first" in this series of catch up posts for this meme. It's one I really like, and I like that I can go back and fill them in :-)


If you could be any current celebrity for one whole week, who would you want to be?

Oh, here be a hard one. I wouldn't want to be any really out there celebrity. Hmm, if I really were to be one, though, I'd want to be Julia Roberts. We both have redish, auburnish hair, and she's married and as I understand it totally in love with her hubby. So, I wouldn't be that far off from who I am to begin with---which for me is the whole point. I don't want to be a crazy celebrity, or be that well-known, though part of my life ambitions (writing) I'd like to be very successful at. I just am not crazy about all that scrutiny. :-|


On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how much do you enjoy talking on the phone?

10. You might not know it, but I love to talk, and I really do like talking on the phone. Give me hours in which I can talk, and on a really good day, I can talk to one person---my mom, or one of my best friends---for hours on end. :-)


Name a charitable organization to which you have donated (or would like to).

Oooo...I've been a member (though currently not an active one) of HeartMade Blessings since 2002. They crochet 12 inch squares and assemble them for people who have had a death in the family or serious illness, and one of their main focuses, which I've also been a part of, is Operation Purple Heart, in which they make afghans for the families of our service members who have died in the War on Terror.

Main Course

What is a food you like so much you could eat it every single day for a month?

Pizza. Need I say more?


Have you or anyone in your family had the flu this year?

Okay, the date for this post is at the beginning of March, but I'm writing it at the end---if that's what us all getting sick (except for T---odd) was, then yes. Otherwise, no pukey, no seriously ill---no, I think we have, because D, P and I all ran something of a fever. And that's a big part. And we were all drained. So, yes.

March 06, 2008

Just when you think you're floating along...

You end up hitting the ground. Literally.

Today ended up being very interesting. At the end of the day, D and I went out to deliver the last of the Girl Scout cookies. This included the ones to my parents' neighbors. P and I were at the door waiting for D to come out with everything, with him in our little glass enclosure and me out in the driveway. When all of a sudden I moved my foot....

And down I went. I heard a pop, and my ankle hurt, and I knew what needed to happen. I yelled for D to get her dad back up, and off we went to the emergency room.

The wheelchair I sat in was fun. I had no reverse, but I think that was because I didn't know one of the brakes was still on. I let my mom know where I was, and she let the neighbors know what was going on. Of course, she had to do it from almost where I was, but she had the ability.

Anyhow, the usual course of stuff was done---x-rays, a doc came in and "looked" at it (I find it interesting how LITTLE this hospital does sometimes in the emergency room), talk to me. I always feel interrogated. This time, instead of getting an Ace Bandage, I got an aircast. I actually like how it feels---it stablizes my foot really well, so my foot doesn't droop quite as much as usual. My left foot tends to droop anyhow, this is just going to make it worse.

And I'm not looking into fault over this. I just happened to be standing on the worst part of my driveway. I suppose I could have been wearing better shoes---my boots maybe. One of us could have shoveled it at some point during the day. But oh well, I can deal with this.

What I'm finding fun is trying to figure out how to deal with things. I told my mom that to keep after P, I'm probably going to have to crawl. I found out getting back into bed this morning that crawling is actually a really great position---it takes all the weight off my foot, and feels really good. I'm going to be using a lot of plastic bags to carry things. I've got to make up some wraps for the crutches---the pads are rubber, and they taste horrible. How do I know how they taste? Because I touch the pads to walk, then touch my mouth after to eat. And of course I forget about having touched the pads until I taste the rubberness on my fingers. :-| Good thing they are brand new crutches---they have a whole wall of crutches that just happen to be in the room my bed was in. The one thing I'm wondering about is how I'm going to change P's butt when I'm the only one up and it's a really messy one! I figure though that since the pad we change him on can be moved, I'll bring that down and change him on the bed or something. No big.

As I said, I don't think I'm going to make any kind of claim on my landlord (and we don't have renter's insurance), but I might be making one on my sprain in the Army. The guy my dad rides with also works for the VA, and suggested I look into it. My dad's going to get me the paperwork, and we'll see from there.

Well, I've got to go sit and put this foot up, so I'll see you all later :-)

March 04, 2008

[Ten on Tuesday] 10 Favorite Drinks

This is actually a fairly easy list to make, though I can nearly promise you at half will be one thing!

1. Water - It sustains us all. And it's about the only Core thing I can drink.

2. Milk - Again, Core. But I do love it anyhow!

3. Water - What did I tell you?

4. Unsweetened Tea - At McDonald's, I prefer the unsweetened kind. At the local Chinese place too. Most other restaurants, I ask for the Raspberry teas, because I'm pretty sure that many don't serve the unsweetened variety.

5. Water - Yes, again. It constitutes the majority of my beverage choices.

6. Sex on the Beach - If I have an alcoholic beverage when (if) we go out, this is one.

7. Water - uh huh. Amazingly, no, it doesn't get old.

8. Kahula and Cream - Yum. But fattening. Good thing we don't go out often anymore. Not that we went much to begin with.

9. Water - it never ends. But I do like it a lot!

10. Herbal Teas - Raspberry especially, but also Chamomile. With honey. My honey makes it the best (the next runner up being my daughter).

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March 03, 2008

Handpicked by God

I am not just doing tasks. I am building a legacy. I am shaping God's kingdom. I am in the process of not only discovering my calling but that of my family as well. And I don't know about you, but it sure does make me look at my everyday tasks... even the smelly laundry in a whole different light.

Dear Lord, thank you that even when I feel overlooked, I can rest in the fact that I am handpicked by You. Help me to live my life for an audience of One. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

This is the end of today's Proverbs 31 Ministries Devotional. In it today's writer, Lysa TerKeurst, speaks of how, when she gets up, she faces the tasks of everyday life. It's daunting---isn't it? Every morning, getting up and looking at the floor, the toys tossed from one end of the house to the other, the laundry that needs washed (and folded, and deposited in the right room/dresser), the dishes that need washed, the mouths that need fed. The baby whose butt needs changed. But there has to be a reason. Lysa spoke about how, in her communing with God, her pause at the start of the day, He pointed her to the path that David had to take to become king. He didn't take the throne right away---it wasn't even assumed by his own father that he had the possibility of becoming king, he was just the youngest child. But God had in mind great things for him. To become a great king. To become the roots of a lineage that would lead to the Savior Himself.

And his character was built by one of the simplest of tasks. Shepherding his flock. Lysa didn't mention this, but during my reading, I did pause for a moment and ponder the fact that Jesus Himself is often called the Shepherd as well.

As moms, we have to take a second to step back and look at the big picture. And, frankly, it doesn't really even matter if you are Christian or not---this is true for all of us. As moms, we have a large place in this world. Bigger than many people even notice (Okay, I WON'T get on my soapbox here with the tangent I often like to go in.). Our kids' futures are in our hands. We shape how they will look at the world, how they will present themselves to the world, even how the world will see them. And it's not done in big leaps, or long lectures, or even the long, sitdown talks. No, it's in the small things---having dinner on the table, washing clothes, teaching our kids to brush their teeth.

And, of course, while we are here, doing God's work in teaching our children, it's also shaping us. How many times in church have you heard that He knows our very heart---our thoughts, our prayers, our desires, our trials, our (gulp) errors? And, as with our job as moms, it's not in the big things---the pronouncements from the heavens; the big lump sum of money, however we get it; that new apartment; that nice car we've been wanting for a while. No, it's in the small things---the small prayer for, oh, I don't know, help to focus on just our hubbies (that's how I got the sizzle sizzle in the bedroom. I really think that T still doesn't believe me that it was really an answer to a prayer for me.); the repeated tasks of taking care of our hubbies and our babies, our homes. Even if we don't like where we are right at this second. He's got plans for us. He's got things waiting in the wings---if we only ask, if we only wait, if we only trust in Him to get us there. In His time, and He will give us the strength to get through it, to wait out the tough times, to love when we want to bolt, to trust that these trials and tribulations are for a reason.

I don't know about you, but when it comes right down to it and I realize that He's there, to comfort me, to reassure me, to carry me through my tough times, I feel a whole dang lot better.

Yes, in deed...

Thank you God.

My Mello Monday (yet again)

Today's gone fairly well. I actually feel pretty good at the moment. Wigging out from my last cup of coffee aside (I finished that other post earlier this afternoon). I definitely feel like I did back when I first quit drinking it. And like T says---we really only need one of us spending a fortune at Tim Horton's. It was nice while it lasted. But, yeah, I'm destined to become a rabbit. All veggies and fruit and stuff. Cause after all, teas are made from leaves. My tea of choice? Raspberry whatever. And Chamomile.

But, I'm feeling good enough, that I've got dinner on the stove! :-) Yeah, really. A Core spaghetti sauce---just onions, some seasonings, 93% ground beef (I actually kinda like the 96%, but it's more expensive so I only get it when it's been marked down because it's the day before it expires), and a larger can of tomato paste, plus a 14 oz can of diced tomatoes. And soon, wheat Angel Hair pasta.

Oh, and I took a nap. Last night I didn't fall asleep until after 2 because I was finishing Bride Needs Groom by Wendy Markham, and the night before I didn't go to bed until nearly 3 because of doing the Penny Savers and talking with my Blog Hoppin friends.

So, things are okay now. Could be a bit better, but right now I'll take what I can get :-)

I was always an advocate, and YOU didn't know it...

This is a very interesting article. I didn't use a midwife myself (I had no idea where one was when I had P, and I was still a bit naive as to the ways of the world when I had D), but I totally support those who do. I consider myself a feminist, and have strengthened my resolve as to the truth of the existence of a paternal structure that works behind the scenes (as in not every guy out there is actively trying to put women down. Some feed into it unconsciously, some just don't really realize how deep it goes) to subjigate women. Wow, harsh much?

Still, I've said it a million times. And as I pick this book up, I realize how much it applies to my life, more than I ever expected it to when I decided I would once again read it...a lot of this is chronicled in For Her Own Good by Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English. I'm reading the first edition, the original publication, but I read the second edition, the updated version from 2005, just after I had first had P. I'd love to read that one again, even own it, but it's not on yet.

Now that I read it, I question whether or not this is part of my problem. I can't really explain it right now...I guess I have to let the thought gel, or you'll have to read the book. Or I'll have to read it. :-|

March 02, 2008


Well. Today started off decent enough. I ended up cuddling with T on the couch, after he came home and before we went to church. For some of my own reasons that I won't express here, I just had to come home and cuddle up to him again for a while. It ended...interestingly to say the least (where is all this *energy* coming from? Must be that prayer that got answered the other day @_@). Sizzle sizzle. Then we went and did the Penny Savers---I say we because again we used the car to do it. Then dropped D off at youth group, and dropped a good chunk of change at WalMart. Getting P to bed wasn't fun---I've been getting him to bed real late lately, and today was one of the earliest in a while. But man was he tired, despite a nap while we were out. Must be all his late nights.

While Friday I managed to get this house looking decently, and while I vacuumed today, it still looks rather horrendous. Don't ask what's on my floor. I won't tell you (though the list really isn't all that different from Thursday).

I was actually starting to feel better by the time we got done with the PS's today. I'm not sure what it is...P's ill mood at bedtime, my body doing all it's garbage...

I have to tell you something. I'm a food addict. It's the only way I can describe myself. I love salads and water and milk and vegetables and fruit and chicken and all that....but I will gorge myself on all the bad stuff too. I'm not as big as a house, and if you have been around here much at all, you will know that I am going to Weight Watchers. I'm not even as big as my mom was at her largest point. But I'm very dissatisfied. Lotus named her fat rolls---I can assure you, mine are much bigger. And instead of personifying mine, I've just named them what they are---what they are made of. I won't scare you with photos (no offense Lotus), but behind me are always Bread and Fried Food, and around my middle is Cheese (T was nice enough to point that out...not in a mean way mind you, just...).

I don't know why it is I'm telling you all this. Maybe I just needed the catharsis of getting it all out in black and white. I know tonight it's a big part of how dang horrible I feel. I think about it sometimes, and realize I really have a problem. I know what I should/shouldn't do, but then I go and misstep horribly, and don't really think about it until after. The problem with a food addiction is that I can't give up food. A person HAS to eat to survive. You can last without food for a long time, but even doing that is a bad thing in many circumstances---how is it that fasting can be good, but that taking it to extremes is bad? I think that's more our culture, and the connotations put on someone before they decide to do that drastic fasting.

But you know, it's not like I've always been this big. I was once able to JOIN THE ARMY---I couldn't do it on weight, sure, because I've NEVER BEEN SKINNY BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION, but I was certainly acceptable. And at 19 in good enough physical condition to be able to handle that rigorous environment. And it's certainly not as if I don't like exercise---I actually DO like to go out and take a walk (notice I said GO OUT. I'm not a big fan of walking inside my own home, though I do own a treadmill). I had a paper route when I was in high school, which meant walking 6 days a week, and I'd bike often, I even started running on a fairly regular basis once I knew I was going to start working towards getting in the military (I was originally going to go into the Navy, like my dad and his dad before him, but a friend of mine introduced me to the Army recruiters in the area, and I found out I could get in there by body fat percentage). Before I went in the Army and even for a little bit after we moved to town here, I went to a local gym regularly too (more so before the Army than after we moved---though, oddly enough, we lived across the street then. I'm pretty sure I still owe him some money :-|).

In some of my low points, or times when I read the whole "carpe diem and leave the rest to fate" point of view, I contemplate giving up trying to lose the weight, and figure that since I can't take thin with me to heaven, I might as well stop trying to achieve what might very well be, for me, the impossible.

But then I think...with all the family history behind me, losing the weight might be the only thing to keep it all at bay. My dad and his dad have heart problems (my grandfather had 4 heart attacks before I had D. And he's still alive and kicking). There's diabetes (both sides---my dad and his dad, and my mom, and my SISTER, who is 5 years younger than me and already diagnosed), high blood pressure, kidney stones (something my sister is also already afflicted with), migraines, there's even some cancer. Mental illness too, but if I were going to have that, I'd already have it if YKWIM. And maybe, just maybe, it will help me live life to the fullest, live my life as God wants. Because when I pray, it's one thing I pray about. One of many.

I'm really starting to wonder if drinking coffee again was such a good idea. I'm feeling the same way I did back when I quit drinking it the first time. Which probably means I should quit drinking it now. Because the fatigue is always associated with my period. And I like tea. A lot. As long as P doesn't get ahold of them and take them apart. :-| He just takes the tea bag out of the wrapper. Yeah, as much as I like coffee, I think this is the end. Why do I always decide that when I have new bottles of coffee creamer in my fridge? :-| At least I can take the one back, as it's actually unopened. If no one wants them, at places I can get rid of them at, that is.

March 01, 2008

Hellooooo Neighborinos!

Hello once again visiting Blog Hoppers! Hope you are having a nice weekend! Mine is going decently! I mean, come on, this is my second post today, LOL!!!! Something must be going right. I'm going to take a while to fold some Penny Savers, then head to bed, but while I'm doing that, I'm going to check out what other Blog Hoppers are up to this weekend and how their weekend has gone.

Tomorrow is Sunday. If a year ago you had told me that (a) I was looking forward to going to church and (b) I was blogging regularly (or what could pass as such), AND (c) reading (I'm on my third Wendy Corsi Staub/Wendy Markham book in a month) insatibly, then I would have told you you were crazy. Any one of them would be reason enough for hell to freeze over. But all 3??? Where would I find the time? What would P be getting into while I was off having such amazing fun? Especially going to church---letting someone else take care of him or spending more than a few minutes without him was unthinkable. Heck, it wasn't easy in September when I insisted the family start going to church again (I wasn't at all surprised to find D loves it :-D), because P suffered from a lot of separation anxiety---but we both got over it, and we both now enjoy ourselves in our separate ventures in the church (which also includes MOPS every couple of weeks), so it's all good!!!

So, if you would like to see what all the buzz is about, follow me on over to Busy Dad's blog, and come join in the fun. (Go here or click the icon in the sidebar to your right :-D). If you're already in on the party, give me a holla! :-D

Wintery Weekend.

Wow, I totally meant to come on here and go Blog Hoppin' after I got P to bed, but I ended up falling asleep (not a bad thing, since I have no choice but to cosleep right now), and didn't get up until the alarm clock started going off this morning. It went off first when D usually gets up for school, because that alarm never got turned off, then I woke up at 8:30, the other time it's set for, then 9, when the clock on the stereo in the living room is set to go off. I've been puttering around here since, cleaning, vacuuming, etc. Something I thought was really cool, before I emptied the cup so I could start vacuuming. Because of the things picked up during the last vacuuming session, it had a nice striation to it:

Okay, even with a good amount of enhancement with Paint Shop Pro, you still can't really see how cool it looked---but it did look pretty cool. It had a layer of dirt (you would not believe what this carpet attracts, and thus what I get out of it!) and such, then a layer of coffee grounds (thanks to P...which reminds me, I'm going to have to make up a pot of coffee), then more dirt, etc. I thought it looked pretty cool. :-)

Here in a bit (after a large break there...I had some things to do and taking this out of the dryer and finishing the pillow was just a small part), I'm going to be delivering this beauty:

This is my mom's roommate's (very) belated Christmas gift. It was both fun and hell to make. But Goodness, isn't it gorgeous?

Well, I better get a move on if I want to be to see my mom and back by the time it's time to get T up to go to work! I've also got dinner to make---I'm thinking home baked Chicken Fingers, I seem to remember there being a recipe on the Weight Watchers site somewhere! :-|

Take care!