Thursday's Pace...

So...

Why is it that any time I spend a good portion of the day outside of the house, that I don't have an easy time of getting things started when I get home? Well, at least on any day other than a MOPS meeting day? It may not help that I didn't get to bed until 2 last night (AGAIN, UGH!), or that I bumped my head on the bottom corner of a CD rack that we mounted to the wall after P was born---right on the forehead, and it hurts---always when I poke at it (it's like a tooth with a toothache), and often when I'm not poking at it. It's interesting to feel, because I have this little bump at the spot where the very corner connected, and a bit of a line where the rest of the portion that connected...uh...connected. It makes me wonder how much P's head must hurt each time he bumps it, and makes me even more afraid of all the damage that could be done, not to mention more afraid of him hurting himself again. :-( He's my baby!!!

I've been thinking about restructuring, reformatting and redecorating around the blog. It looks so plain and dull sometimes. I mean, sure I want the focus to be the content and not the context, but it's got to look nice too, right? I've done a lot of stuff around here---I write my own html for the content in the sidebar (one place I need to clean up), and I've put in the pictures for the header myself. I figured out how to put the picture the header was created from up as the header on my Blog365 profile page. Go me---I did that a while ago, but still. I'm going to go through my bookmark folders too. What I decide is going to stay there will end up in my links sections. I'd love a pull down menu so visitors can visit my favorites, instead of having to scroll down forever to find the site they want to look at. Okay, they'll have to anyhow, but that's not the point. I'm going to make my site look pretty, that's all.

Got any good, decently priced options/advice?

I've even got dinner planned. It's getting late in the evening now (6pm), so it's good it's a quick dinner---taco salad. D's been asking for it off and on.

I'm going to make up a list to make myself accountable:

Dishes (there's not many left)
Clothes
Dinner
Pick up clutter on floor
Vac

That's it for now. Back later.

Happy Happy Day!!!

Today is indeed a happy day. :-D

If you have gone to my myspace page anytime before I set it to private, you will have seen that there's a certain someone that I've been wanting badly to see or talk to.

Well, when we were on our way back into the middle of town from dropping something off at D's school, we passed by his parents house, and they were outside. I know they haven't been around town for a while---a year or more---because I couldn't find their number in the phone book or get through with their number after I found it in older phone books. :-) So, I ended up talking to his mom for a while, over at the library (I had to print out a couple things), then I called him this evening after T got up :-D (I had to ask him where the picture of our calling card was :-)). Hopefully I will be talking to him more!!! I miss him, he's one of my oldest and best friends :-) Being able to talk to him made a day that had a few bad spots (specifically a certain child in this trailer park using a kid that used to be D's friend to have a little fun with the girls...I mean, they could at least make their insults original. "D's mom is fat" is kind of obvious. The good thing about it is that their quality of insults didn't get much worse than that. I guess it just goes to show their brain power. :-D I heckled back for them to get some original insults.) brighter. :-) Not that, now that I think about it, it was all that dark before they started into their stuff.

I haven't bought the new Harry Potter book yet. I'm going to. I'm hoping to find it for a decent price---at WalMart it's $18 something. I'm not even going to try to look at the local bookstore, but I might try one of the big local supermarkets. I'm thinking that D is right and it was sold out at WalMart when we were there yesterday. I got to thinking with the kids, what would Harry Potter do? Heck, yes, even put in what would Jesus do? They'd both sit out and wait for the stupid people to move along. They always do---they find something or someone new or different to occupy their small minds, and all you have to do is realize that, while they may grasp what they are doing in that moment, they don't quite get it and how it fits into the whole picture---they don't get that they will move along, and you will move along, and they will probably not achieve what it is that they are hoping to accomplish. If you just realize that their minds and ambitions are much smaller than your own, then you can move on and deal with the momentary discomfort of some stupid kid running around on his bike making small insults. Hell, he was riding his bike and my son was playing with one of his soccer balls. The ball rolled across to the wall of this garage that's on the edge of the property, the neighbor's garage, and I went after it with my son. In doing this, I had myself between my son and this stupid kid. I figured, the kid has to learn that he's not the only one out there, that he has to watch for other people. He heckled me and said "hey, watch out, there's traffic coming through here." I thought it but didn't say it---"yeah, too bad for you that you'd learn that pedestrians have the right of way." Because, if one of us got hurt because he ran his bike into us (or, when he gets older, his car---or his mom's), then he'd be the one getting in trouble. He has to watch for us, not the other way around. Dumb @$$. LOL

So what did I do when they were doing their stuff. I paid more attention for most of the time period to what my kids were doing, and playing with them and making them happy---namily my little guy. We were sitting on the porch, and my little guy and I were rolling his balls back and forth. He was giggling himself silly. And when I didn't have to do that, I was praying. Praying hard. That this kid would get his comeupance. To be honest, there were so many times that I wished that kid would misjudge when he was going across the street we live on---a very busy street---and get hit. Few people deserve it, but he makes it pretty close. Now I don't want that---it would be too good for him. Should he survive, he'd get babied, felt sorry for. No, I want something where people---ESPECIALLY HIS MOTHER---see his true colors. What's sad, it might take until this kid is OLD---older than me---for it to really show thru. And until then we all have to deal with his garbage! :-( There have been times we thought for sure that the landlord would kick them out of here---one of the kids throwing a firecracker or something back there just about 2-3 months after P was born, when he convinced the kid upstairs that it would be fun to push a skateboard and then he pushed their little wagon into our front screen door, and many other events---but no. Nope, she was even behind in rent once, managed to find someplace to pay for it for her, and boom she was staying.

You might notice, I added more weigh-in totals to my weight loss table. It seems I've now broken the 300 barrier! I hope this sticks this time!!! I don't feel much different right now---my stomach has been feeling flatter (for what that's worth :-S), and my clothes actually FIT, some of them are LOOSE---but I don't feel much else. Not too much different from when I turned 30, LOL!!! Maybe when I'm closer to 250 I'll feel a difference :-)

I'm not sure what else there is for now. So I guess that means I can go to bed :-)

Long time no see.....

It's been over 2 months since I last wrote here. Things have been going, which is the least that could be said. Unfortunately, that same old midnight monster has struck again, and seems to be working hard to derail everything for me. My dishes aren't washed (though I was going really well for a while there, every night, and it won't take long to get them all taken care of :-D), but my floor is mostly picked up, my futon is clear, my living room is decent, my trash has been taken out, our clothes are caught up on, and everyone has been fed and bathed. I think all in all that makes it a really good day :-) I got a short walk when at WalMart to fill P's 'script (lil guy's sick, running a bit of a fever, and seems to have a bit of fluid in one ear), even though it wasn't what I wanted.

I am now at 37.8 pounds lost. That means that I have 2.2 more to go until I get to my previous weight loss, and this time nothing --- no emotional blow, no decrease in money (because I will always find a way to make sure that $39.95 is in the bank!), nothing will derail me from getting as far as I need to this time. Even a SMALL loss (and we have all had one of those!!!) is still a LOSS. :-) That's all I'm looking for! I've changed my life, changed my diet, and plan on being able to manage those and the periodic cravings I get for things that don't fit into them. No more eating whole bags of Doritos all the time --- unless they cost 99¢ --- No more multiple bowls of whatever dinner is every night. I might do that with a Core meal here and there, but not on a regular basis. Heck, tonight was the first time I've made one dinner for the majority of the house, and a different one for me. Because I REFUSE to eat pasta that is not whole wheat if I can help it!!! Heck, I can't tell you the last time I had full fat and/or milk cheese. I actually have grown to LIKE soy cheese!!! My favorite is STILL cheddar flavored!!! :-) Also, while I was getting the 'script, I wandered through the clothes. And I TRIED SOMETHING ON. In size 22/24. The one thing, a shirt dress, was a bit tight in the usual areas---but the usual areas didn't stress it out as bad as 38 pounds ago. The outfit (a nice shirt and pants) felt GREAT, and didn't look all that bad either. And who knows---maybe I'll find $11 to buy a pair of those pants. Nice and comfy!!! So, my next goal weight is my street address (which is kinda funny but kinda embarrassing, especially if you know my street address :-S), and my next body goal is to make 22/24 LOOSE!!!!

Something I have not discussed before now...I've started to search for the lay of my spiritual path again, this time much more involved and exact than I had before. I had all those pagan books, but I never really read them. Something about them did not feel right. I have returned to my roots, and some time ago convinced myself that I am actually a Christian. While it said somewhere in the Bible not to hide your light under a bushel---it's not something I'm publicizing either! :-\ But I have so many books I got off of PaperBack Swap, and I've started reading one of them. I will eventually read The Purpose Driven Life, as that's one of the books I got from PBS. Heck, it will probably be my NEXT book. I'm eager to read it.

So, what all brought this on? I'm not totally sure. Maybe some of it is knowing the blessings our former neighbors have received by leading a life in Christ, and having ZHOP. Part of it is finally being honest to myself that what I need spiritually is something I can be honest to everyone else about. Sure, I'm not supposed to worry about what others think---but, thing is, it's uncomfortable to have this "secret." Maybe it's just time for me. I also found a verse that I LOVE, and speaks to who I really feel I am. Proverbs 31: 10-31. It talks about a good wife, something I strive to be for my husband, though I do admit I often falter. But it led me to a great site, Proverbs 31 Ministries. This path, however, does not mean that I have left all my "alternative" views behind. By no means have I. But it means that I am looking for what's best for me, the best fit, the truth.

So, what have I done so far? Well, I made a donation to those same neighbors. It might sound a bit selfish, but considering the pressure I feel about finances, I prayed for some help/relief in that area. And I made a realization today.

I was thinking about my friend who died 7 1/2 years ago, and how we will see each other again once that day comes. And it hit me---that whole concept does not simply apply to those who have already passed on---sometimes it applies to those we have removed ourselves from in this life, who still live. And I was filled with some peace. The reason I had such a problem with WW the first time, after a while, was because of the emotional blow I received when my ex best friend and I quit being friends. Recently, she's tried to contact me again. I didn't have as much of a problem with it this time---but it still left me unsettled. It hit and hurt pretty bad the first time, it gets rehashed each time somehow she comes into my life again. Always on the computer.

And something else has happened. I don't care if she reads this (because I know it's possible). I just don't think she realized how bad I was hurt, and to what extent I was hurt. I don't know if she ever will. And it's not just because of the final conversation we had---there was a lot more involved than that. But, I forgive her. Forgiving her (you?) is not for HER (YOU), it's for ME, it's something I need in order to go on with my life and FULLY recover. I have come a long way, I think this is the last thing I need, and I will leave it behind me. Don't expect me to talk to her, I just won't throw a fit inside, if ykwim.

So, for my candle biz you can check that blog. For crochet updates, you can check that blog too. For writing, go right ahead and see over there. This is life. Real life. My life.

Til I write here again...

Later Days! :-)